When I found out that I had fertility issues in my 20s, it really threw me for a loop. I didn’t know anything about the topic at all, and I had to get up to speed as quickly as possible so that my husband and I could make the necessary choices to try to grow our family. The good news is that we were able to have an amazing daughter, and we are so grateful for all of the help we received along the way. We are now trying to have a second child, and because of our previous experiences I feel that we are much better informed about our options and what our roadmap will look like.
Overall, it’s helpful to be armed with all of the knowledge about my own body that I gathered in my two-year journey the first time around. I’ve found myself confidently advocating for myself already in this second journey, and I understand how infertility ebbs and flows and am better prepared to ride those waves. One thing is the same as the first time: I have no idea what I am going to be up against, how long it will take, and what treatments will be needed. But I have the living proof that this can and WILL work toddling around my house right before my eyes every day.
Going into planning for our second child, we both agreed that because of our specific situation we did not want to try on our own and instead decided to go straight back to our clinic. As much as I would love to become pregnant and have a baby fully naturally, we decided to minimize the very real potential for heartbreak and begin treatment. That was a big decision for us, but it felt like the right choice.
I also feel much better prepared for what is to come than I was the first time around. I am in a completely different headspace going into this journey for the second time. It’s not that I want a baby any less, it’s just that I don’t feel as desperate because I am starting my journey at the clinic rather than coming to them over a year and a half in. I am also enjoying being a mama to our little girl, and I still feel thankful every day for her. I can’t even begin to explain how much this has brought my stress level down. Because of my good headspace I thought that any bumps in in the road would be taken in much greater stride than before – and they have – but it’s so easy to go right back to those old hopeless feelings. My first cycle back was cancelled before the attempt to become pregnant, and I had to really push myself mentally to remain in that positive space.
For any mother, the thought of a second baby comes with trepidations such as “How will we manage two kids?” “How can I ensure I/we are giving both children all the attention, care and love they require?” “I just got my body back, I am finally sleeping, things are starting to get fun with the first child…am I ready to start all over again?” Then you throw all of the extra emotions of infertility and fertility treatments on top of that. It creates a lot of internal dialogue and external emotional discussions with your partner.