One of the quirks of dealing with infertility is how it’s so personal and yet so public at the same time. What could be more private than something happening (or not happening) to your body? But it doesn’t just stay in your body, and it will have an impact on those closest to you. Whenever I reflect on how my fertility issues affected my family, I think about my mom. When I had my miscarriage, she must have cried more than I did. I understand why. I was mourning for the loss of one person, but she was mourning two.
There are some amazing stories out there where families or loved ones of someone experiencing infertility are able to help in a big way. Some assist with financing treatment, some are even able to donate eggs or sperm. These stories are beautiful, but not necessarily the norm. For families of doers with nothing to do, this is a frustrating time full of hand wringing and worried expressions, but there are better ways for your support system to direct their energy.
While you’re undergoing fertility treatments, the last thing you need is to end up providing emotional support for your own well-intentioned loved ones. In order to avoid this, it’s important to vocalize what you want and what you need early. If you’re able to set clear boundaries and open up opportunities for idle hands to get busy, then you’ll be able to feel that much needed support exactly in the ways you need it.
Information is power, and the less time you’ll have to spend explaining what you’re going through, the better. Ask your family to read up on what you’re going through and develop a basic working knowledge of your treatment. Your family could step in to drive you to appointments or bring over dinner so you can take it easy. Of course, your family should also provide a few more shoulders to cry on when you need it.
Your family or support system, whatever it looks like, is that village it supposedly takes to raise a child. Sometimes it also takes a village to bring a child home. Allow your village to help you, that’s all they want to do. Just make sure it happens on your terms, so you can sit back and feel the love.
